When I first wrote this blog, I did a pretty good job. It was precise and explanatory and very factual. I even peppered it with a few opinions and some heartfelt sentiments. Truly, it was an A paper.
But y'know something? It just wasn't what I was trying to express. So I erased it.
Let's try this again...
Yesterday at our bi-monthly check up with Dr. John, he expressed his concern about my preterm labor. He explained that he was concerned about it and we were going to start preventative measures right away. He prescribed Procardia for my contractions. (I gotta take that pill every day.) He prescribed steroid shots to help develop Noodle's lungs, in case I go into labor in the next 3 weeks. And he prescribed bi-weekly NST's (non-stress tests) at the hospital to monitor that what we're doing is working and my contractions are actually gone. He also explained that he doesn't do "bedrest" anymore because most people aren't aware of the side effects of that, and he only does hospitalization when that becomes necessary. So if I don't continue to STRICTLY LIMIT MY ACTIVITY, my only other option is hospitalization. He assured us he doesn't want to do that and is confident our plan will work, but I have to do my part by not doing as much as possible.
Those are the facts, ma'am.
I'll be honest, I was upset for awhile. Not that I had to take pills or get shots or go for NST's, but because he wasn't UNconcerned. It truly bothered me that there was a problem and it wasn't nothing, like the nurses made it feel like when we were in L&D earlier this week. Dr. John is actually concerned about it. Dang it, that's not supposed to happen! He was supposed to tell me I was just being whiney and to keep doing massages, since those are making a difference with my contractions.
I spent the better part of last night praying, researching and crying. It doesn't matter what kind of positive spin I put on it, I just needed a night to be scared and concerned. So I was.
Today, however, I'm flipping the coin over! If I don't, I'll stress myself into oblivion. We know this.
So here's how I see it now:
Dr. John basically told me I'm not allowed to do my job. No chores, no shopping, no stairs, no lifting, no anything. I have to sit with my feet elevated as much as possible, only do the absolute ESSENTIALS, and leave the rest to others. He even explained that this pill I'm taking will make me pass out if I lift anything, making sudden movements, or bear down for any reason. So no picking up the toddler, or carrying my own groceries or anything crazy like that. Somebody else has to do it for me. Somebody else has to do my dishes, my laundry, my shopping, my sweeping, my EVERYTHING.
Aw, shucks.
And I have to go to the hospital twice a week to listen to Noodle's heart beat.
Darn it all, I tell ya! Not that!
Then to make matters worse, I need to remain relaxed. Which means that while my work is being done for me and my feet are up and I'm eating fruit, I have to laugh and have fun and not stress out about everyone else doing my job.
However will I cope?
*chuckle*
I could sit around feeling bad about it all, or I could bathe in the fact that I just got told I get the world's best paid vacation for the next 6-10 weeks. The shots are going to be terrible, but there are only 2, and what a great opportunity for me practice breathing through pain! The pills make it impossible for me to make any sudden moves or lift up the kicking, screaming toddler at bed time. And more to that point, I can't get up in the middle of the night when he wakes up because I can't go down the stairs that much and I certainly can't lift him up. Aww...more sleep...right before a new baby...that's the WORST. I have to sit around all day and can, in fact, get in trouble if I do the chores!
That's the best SAHM gig EVER!
I reached out last night and asked my family for help with the things I can no longer do. Someone else has to pick up my daughter from school. I need help shopping because I can't walk that much. And we worked out a few trades for getting some holiday stuff accomplished, so all of us are still getting stuff done. In all sincerity, it means EVERYTHING to me that my family is so willing to do whatever it takes to help me out. AND they won't let me sit around wallowing in fear and self pity, either. There's no question that I'll get whatever help I need. I am incredibly blessed to have such a close, loving and wonderful family. Thanks to each of you.
So...while I'm a little nervous about the chance of going into labor, I'm reassured that we're doing all we can to keep that from happening. I'm going to do my BEST to sit here and enjoy the fact that I'm a SAHM that is required to do nothing all day, and I'm going to breathe easy. I just gotta make this count for 6 weeks. After that, we stop all medication and testing and let Noodle do whatever Noodle wants to do.
On a quick side note, while I'm very sad about not going Trick or Treating with my kids tonight, I'm somewhat excited to see the craziness of the hospital. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Fourth of July are the funniest nights to be in a hospital. So, if I can't be with my kids, then at least I get a chance to see someone with a candy bar stuck up their nose, some crazy costumes and a lot more humor in the staff!
Well, I'd better go take my Procardia and put my feet up.
These Christmas projects aren't going to finish themselves!
Until next time...
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